Reminiscing ...

The parties are over and the reality sets in ... I'm 50 years old. A half a century. Several decades ...

I miss my 30's the most, I think. As a kid, well, I was such a kid! My teens were spent trying to please everyone all the time - well, that and the gym. My 20's are very much a blur... but from what I can remember, I had a great time (we'll refer to the 20's as my "disco days")! But my 30's ... Well, they were just grand! A little bit of wisdom, a whole lot of aerobics and I was still pulling back tucks in the gym and throwing double back flips into the pit until I was almost 34! More patience with those that I love and more foresight to determine which road to take. Confidence enough to strike out and start my own business after climbing the corporate ladder for years, had a child on my own and bought a house without a roommate. Always a late bloomer, I didn't really come into my own until then.

Not that the 40's were bad - but there's that gravitational pull that begins around 42 ... and then there's the failing eyesight which beset my perfect vision when I was 45. I went from 20/20 to "dang girl, you're blind!" in like, I don't know, a day and a half. I feel like my 40's have been spent just working towards something. Not sure what, but many of my long term goals were forgotten ... where is that list??

But what I will always remember about my 40's is also that many, many good things happened there! Robin was born when I was 39/40 ... so that definitely was an interesting start! Moving to Grayson and becoming involved in our community. Starting over with a business in 2001. I've met some of my dearest friends during this past decade. And these are friends that I consider family and will stay with me forever, I'm betting!

It is time, I believe for a new list of short term and long term goals - a redirection. I don't know if I've accomplished any of the things on my old list, but I do feel accomplished! My 50's are already being directed by my new relationship with God and my church family and for that I am quite thankful. Although I can't remember ever feeling "alone" - in that I have always had a relationship with God - I feel so much more loved and at peace since coming back to a Christian Community. It is so precious to me because I know now that it is more than just "organized religion."

I've always said that if I were independently wealthy, I would study religion in its historical significance. I'm always fascinated by the interaction of politics and religion; art and religion; music and religion. But it was always from the outside looking in that I planned to do this. I am truly blessed that I can now accomplish this with the guidance of some good men, from the inside, understanding that "religion" is all together different from salvation by grace and my relationship with God in Christ.

I'm not sure that I'll ever have my arials back, but I dream in arials each night. I'm not convinced that I'll ever have the svelte body that I worked so hard for in my 20's, but I do know that I'm a bit healthier than I've ever been. I look enviously at the smooth faces of my children and the women who have had the "light treatments" at Image Spa, but I am proud of every laugh line on my face because they signify that my life has been filled with much joy.

I hope that I can carry that joy through my 50's and into the next couple of decades. Probably looking at a few more lines around the eyes and the nose with the laughter, but I'll know that each one is the result of a joyful day and moment.

I resolve to face each day hopefully, with faith, courage and patience ... And I resolve that this resolution will last longer than my New Year's one to use the pennies, nickels and quarters in the bottom of my purse rather than pull out another dollar bill.

I'm sure there will be more 50's reminiscing ... us old folks have way too much time on our hands!